Oh it's fare thee well my darlin' true,
I'm leavin' in the first hour of the morn.
I'm bound off for the bay of Mexico
Or maybe the coast of Californ.
So it's fare thee well my own true love,
We'll meet another day, another time.
It ain't the leavin'
That's a-grievin' me
But my true love who's bound to stay behind.
Oh the weather is against me and the wind blows hard
And the rain she's a-turnin' into hail.
I still might strike it lucky on a highway goin' west,
Though I'm travelin' on a path beaten trail.
So it's fare thee well my own true love,
We'll meet another day, another time.
It ain't the leavin'
That's a-grievin' me
But my true love who's bound to stay behind.
????? His fingers hovered over the phone, tips grazing over the smooth surface. The waning moonlight cascaded over his blanched hand, creating a shadow on the table. Goosebumps rose on his skin, his arm shaking violently.
????? What the hell was he thinking? Going through with this meant... meant giving it up -- giving it all up. Did he really want to do this? Did he feel like this was the right choice? Would... would he actually go through with it?
????? A force racked through his body, pushing his hand into the phone and clutching it instinctively. His blue eyes widened -- not as bright as they usually are -- and glanced at the phone for a second. Millions of questions rushed through his mind as sweatdrops collected on his forehead.
????? Should he go through with this? Why was he doing this? Would he even allow him to do this? What if something were to happen and he lost... he lost everything forever? Why can't he just pick up the phone and get it over with?!
????? Closing his eyes and shaking his head, he picked up the black phone in his hotel room; the sound of the tone echoed in the noiseless room. He could hear his breathing in the receiver as he lifted his limp, numb hand and dialed the numbers slowly.
????? One digit... two... three...
????? His heart pounded against his chest, as if it was trying to stop him from doing this; however, he stopped listening to his heart a long time ago.
????? Four... five...
????? It's not that he didn't listen to his heart... it's just he didn't have a heart -- not anymore, that is. Someone stole it away from him, someone he couldn't fight back.
????? Six... seven...
????? Fate killed his heart. The beating against his chest was only the small fragments pleading with him not to crush them. He smiled sardonically to himself. If they were crushed further, what else was left of him to kill?
????? A ring.
????? He stopped breathing; his eyes bugged out of their sockets and he clutched the wire with his free hand for comfort.
????? Second ring.
????? Nervous, nimble fingers danced and entwined in the wire. A trickle of sweat moved down the side of his bald head. He didn't blink.
????? Third ring.
????? Fingers wrapped around the cord tightly, knuckles turning whiter than the moon itself. This was a bad idea. He shouldn't have done this. What was he thinking doing a stupid thing like this--
????? The sounds of rustling, creaking bed, and a groggy voice echoed in his ear.
????? "Hello?" the gruff, tired voice murmured, a yawn followed soon after. "Benoit residence. Chris speaking."
????? His voice hitched and stifled in his throat. He couldn't find a way to speak at all.
????? Fingers wrapped around the wire tighter than before. His eyes quivered from being out in the air for so long. For some odd reason, his lower lip twitched too...
????? "Hello?" Chris Benoit asked again, sounding a little more awake this time. "Who is this?"
????? Say something! he yelled at himself. If you don't do this now, you never will!
????? Gulping down and finally blinking, Steve Austin composed himself. He released some of the tension he applied on the cord with his fingers; he focused on his breathing as a new distraction.
????? "H-Hi."
????? If he wasn't feeling like he was about to die, Steve would've laughed at Chris' spewing of questions like he was a worried, overprotective mother.
????? "Steve? What's wrong? What happened? Why do you sound so horrible? Where are you? Are you okay? What's going on? Why did you call me at..." Chris paused, loudly shuffling around some things on a desk until he found his clock. "At five-thirty in the morning? Did something bad happened? Are you--"
????? "Chris." He hated how his voice sounded so weak... vulnerable... broken, even; however, he knew he received Chris' full, undivided attention when his lover stopped his bombardment of questions. "I... I need to see you."
????? "When do you want me to fly over, Steve?" Chris rapidly answered, the sounds of him searching for clothes in his closet audible over the phone. "I'll catch the next flight to Los Angeles and--"
????? "Chris." He sounded more forceful this time around; yet, he spoke in a shaky, trembling whisper. "I'm a-already here in Atlanta."
????? Steve imagined Chris' nod in his mind quite clearly; he knew Chris wouldn't inquire as to how or when he flew to Atlanta. Hearing a sigh over the phone, Steve instantly pictured how worried, frightened and concerned Chris was for his well-being.
????? He loved Chris, and never meant all the pain, suffering and frustration he caused. He... he wasn't really stable. Chris understood that... but it didn't stop him from becoming very irritable at time.
????? "There's a lake not too far from my house," Chris said over the phone. "Think you can find it?"
????? "I-I think," came Steve's modest, timid reply. He tried to cease his fingers tugging and pulling on the phone cord, but it proved useless. "Can you give me some directions?"
????? "Of course, morning star."
????? Shakily, Steve reached out for a pen on the desk and scribbled down the directions as legible as he could. His hand was still shaking, but much more violently now. "Thanks, Chris."
????? The echo of a door being opened and closed registered in Steve's mind. "Anytime, morning star. I'll see you in ten minutes, okay?"
????? "Kay." Steve waited a few moments until he heard the distinct sound of a click, followed by the interval of dead silence and ended by the piercing wail of the dial tone. He used both hands to remove the phone away from his drenched face and back into its rightful place. He was too shaken up to properly place it back with just one hand.
????? A wave of dizziness, nausea, and sickness washed over Steve, forcing him to lean against the wall. Breathing deeply, he clutched the gold chain around his neck, holding it as tightly as his fingers did with the phone chord.
????? There was no turning back now. Steve had to go through with this. If he didn't... he knew for certain he wouldn't be able to gain the courage or the determination to do it again.
????? His eyes shut hard, the corners turning wet.
????? It took Steve a good five minutes until he was ready to move from the wall.
????? Chris Benoit hated time. He really did.
????? He had been looking at the clock in his car for the past twenty minutes now. He attempted to stop glancing at the time every minute -- hell, every second -- but it was useless. He couldn't help himself. Chris told Steve he'd meet him at the lake in ten minutes... and now it was past twenty.
????? Chris had every right to be anxious, worried, and fearful, right? No normal human being calls someone in the middle of the night, asks for that person to see him, and does it in a voice that sounds like he's petrefied of something, or mortally wounded. He knew Steve wasn't faking that voice. He hadn't heard a voice like that since... since the day he asked Steve to come home.
????? Moving his attention away from the clock, Chris idly watched his leg flinching and jumping sporadically. He had given up trying to stop his leg too. A sigh mixed with frustration and trepidation escaped his chapped lips. Running a hand through his hair and bending his neck, Chris closed his eyes and thought deeply about the past.
????? The last time Steve spoke to me like that... His ice blue eyes slowly opened as he lifted his head to gaze outside the front window of his car. I thought he was gonna die. I thought he was really going... going to let it all go and...
????? He swallowed down a sob as the orange gold fires of the sun peaked over the horizon. Wetness stung against his vision, but he ignored it. He watched as the dawn's beautiful fire of pinks, oranges, yellows, golds, and reds pushed away the night hues of black, purple, and blue. Soon, Chris witnessed the natural, simplistic wonder of the dawn -- the blinding, warm light of the Sun creating a fire that lit up the world, illuminated the sky, and started the new day.
????? Chris choked out a laugh -- one drenched in sorrow and irony -- as he remembered what Steve said about sunrises. "You were right," he whispered aloud, as the peak of the Sun rose over the horizon and reflected in his sparkling ice blue eyes. "It is like God lighting a match..."
????? "Makes you wonder if he smokes cigarettes."
????? The new voice caught Chris off-guard entirely, making the poor Canadian nearly scream and clutch his chest in panic. Once he finally controlled his breathing and stop the pulling ache in his sternum, Chris turned around sharply and glared viciously at the man cheekily giving him a shit-eating grin. "If I didn't love you, I'd punch that smile right off your face."
????? "Yeah, you're too manly to slap me, huh?" Steve retorted, his body leaning against the side of the car with one of his arms holding the top of the already opened car door.
????? The Canadian smirked as he playfully swatted Steve's jean-clad leg. "Naw, I can't slap or punch you." He lifted his eyes, staring directly into Steve's beautiful eyes that reflected the sun perfectly. "I love you too much to hurt you."
????? Satisfaction, love, and an indescribable emotion flooded throughout his body as he saw his Steve's eyes soften and his body slump at his subtle, loving words. Steve bent down, kissing the side of Chris' cheek for a second. "Thanks."
????? Chris stopped Steve from moving away by clutching his chin; he planted a soft kiss on his lips, letting the moment last for awhile until he regretfully pulled away. "Anytime, morning star," he whispered against Steve's lips.
????? His lover's familiar bright smile caused Chris to smile right back at him. There was something about Steve that made him feel safe, comforted, and warm; something about him that made Chris feel loved, wanted, and happy. His hand still clutched Steve's chin, letting his fingers rest and vaguely scratch against his lover's goatee. He couldn't help himself; a laugh escaped his lips when Steve visibly shuddered at the motion.
????? Releasing Steve from his grasp, Chris watched curiously as his lover quietly reached out his hand in a silent invitation. Taking the hint, Chris wrapped his hand around Steve's, moving out of the driver's seat of his car and slamming the door behind him. He squeezed his lover's hand, smiling softly when he felt his morning star return the gesture.
????? Steve pulled him along, directing the two of them away from the road and deeper into the empty grassland. The echoing of their feet mowing through the yellowish-green stalks mixed with the soft sound of the grass swaying idly with the light morning breeze.
????? A thought of he and Steve running through the fields, playing a game like tag and eventually falling over each other crossed his mind; he wished it would come true, but spending quality time together as lovers wasn't the reason why Steve was here. He wouldn't have come hundreds of miles to call Chris in the middle of the night to see if he wanted to come play tag in the grass.
????? He really wished it was true, though. The grave, unreadable expression in his lover's face completely unnerved him; Steve appeared serious, determined... he even felt a light tremor in his arm. Chris squeezed again in the silence, grateful to feel Steve return the gesture once more. Chris couldn't utilize his voice yet; he didn't know the reason why.
????? As Steve lugged the two of them down a hill, his eyes rested upon the beautiful, ethereal image of the lake. The sunlight danced, twinkled, and bounced off of the calm, still water. Shorter stalks of grass covered the area; in the distance, he could see an black item laying in the ground. He smiled to himself, knowing Steve had arrived earlier, but decided to make him wait.
????? As Chris looked down at the lake, he smiled sadly. A part of him wished there were ducks in the pond, so he and Steve could possibly feed them later on. Once the two stepped onto the flatland again, Chris knew the truth. They didn't come here for memories; it was for something else entirely... something Steve knew, but Chris didn't.
????? Once they were near the lake, Steve released Chris' hand and sat on the ground. Chris followed soon after, landing on the dirt with a loud plop; his blunder caused Steve to smile and chuckle a little. The Canadian glared accusingly his way.
????? "You make me do stupid things," Chris whispered in retort to Steve's bemused smile, breaking the long silence between them.
????? Steve shook his head, his chest rumbling with quiet laughter. "I do no such thing, Chris. You're the one who does crazy stuff."
????? "Yeah, well, I think it's because of you," he muttered under his breath, fixing his bathrobe. It didn't matter to Chris that his favorite blue bathrobe and gray pajama pants were dirtied; he needed to know why Steve called him.
????? "How's that, Bennykins?" Steve asked innocently, using his nickname for Chris with a cheeky grin on his face.
????? Chris snorted and smiled sardonically. "Because of me being so madly in love with you, I tend to do crazy shit." He wished he could've let Steve keep the melted, loving look on his face; he had to press on, though. "You tend to do crazy shit too, morning star."
????? A blank look appeared on Steve's face while a confused, bewildered gleam sparkled in his bright blue eyes. "Oh?"
????? The Canadian's smile slowly waned. "Like calling me at five-thirty in the morning, sounding like you've been scared by a fucking ghost and practically sobbing that you had to see me."
????? Steve didn't even flinch. Instead, he stayed stoic and calm; then, a light, sad smile appeared on his face. "That bad, huh?"
????? Sighing -- out of fatigue or annoyance, he didn't know -- and moving closer to Steve, Chris touched his face, caressing the skin with his thumb. "What's wrong, Steve? Why did you come all the way here?"
????? Closing his eyes, Steve purred involuntarily to the light touches of his lover's hand. He leaned into his hand, the warmth radiating from Chris' skin overpowering the warmth of the sun itself. "I needed to see you," he whispered tenderly. "I had to."
????? "But why?" Chris stopped moving his thumb, waiting for Steve to open his eyes again. "Why did you need to see me this badly?"
????? Steve slowly shook his head, his cheek rolling back and forth on Chris' palm. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words died on his lips. He visibly choked on them, his lips contorted in agony and his faced screwed up in torturous pain. Pinpricks of tears appeared on the sides of his eyes, while his chest heaved from the sorrow within.
????? Instantly, Chris wrapped his arms around Steve, pulling him closer and soothing him with light words and gentle caresses. One hand ran up and down Steve's back, while the other held him close. Chris nearly broke down himself when he heard the loud, cracking sob released from Steve's body.
????? He waited for Steve to say something. He didn't know what had happened to Steve, or why he was here; Chris knew that Steve would answer his question. Chris knew Steve loved him; he wouldn't leave his Chris wondering day-in and day-out about something that probably wasn't that important anyways. Steve's hot tears soaked into his bathrobe, holding onto Steve tighter to silently prove that he was there.
????? Moments passed until he heard Steve starting to compose himself. He didn't feel any movement of Steve wanting to be released. Chris kissed Steve's bald head while his hand continued to move up and down Steve's back. Finally, he heard Steve regulate his breathing; a firm silence followed soon after.
????? Chris continued his ministrations, occasionally kissing Steve -- his forehead, his ear, his temple -- and whispering encouraging words of love to him.
????? A simple sigh echoed in the quiet field. He didn't know what that sigh was laced with...
????? "Chris," whispered his lover's raspy, gruff voice. "I..."
????? "What? What is it, Steve?"
????? A soft shudder reverberated against his chest.
????? "I have to go somewhere, Chris."
????? Chris' hand stopped moving, landing in the middle of Steve's chest.
????? "... wh... what--"
????? "I have to go somewhere."
????? Unwrapping his hands from Steve's body and pushing his lover's shoulders away, Chris stared down at Steve, gazing into his blue eyes. He searched frantically for some sort of humor, a trace of guilt, a glint of pure, unadulterated falseness.
????? Steve gazed up at him with bright blue eyes, filled with merely conviction, truth, and full, blown-out honesty.
????? Chris almost shoved Steve away as he released him entirely. "Steve, you can't--"
????? "You have to listen to me," Steve pleaded, the tears forcing their way through. "You've got to listen to me, Chris. This isn't--"
????? "Don't fucking lie to me," Chris breathed, his voice frantic and edgy. "You don't know what you're saying, morning star."
????? Steve's eyes narrowed and he slowly sat up straight. "I know what I'm saying, and I know what I'm doing."
????? "The last time you thought that you almost killed yourself!" Chris snapped back, his eyes narrowed much more savagely and relentlessly than Steve's. "You were going to make a mistake the last time, and you're going to do the same thing a--"
????? "No I'm NOT!" Steve shouted, the pent-up ferociousness and vehemence he was well known for beginning to emerge. Although his body shook from nervousness, his eyes burned with a fire that Chris had never seen before.
????? The burning inferno within Steve's usually ocean-like calm eyes sent cold shivers down his spine. He had never heard Steve so... so firm and commanding before about something. He never heard Steve so ardently passionate about anything. Hell, he can't remember a time Steve actually rose his voice to him, save the intense arguments they had in their relationship.
????? Realization shook through Chris's system.
????? Steve... Steve never spoke this... this passionately about Brian. Not... not even for Brian. That was impossible, though. Steve loved Brian... Steve and Brian belonged with each other... they were fucking soulmates...
????? Chris' ice blue eyes softened, his head shaking lightly. "Steve... I just..." He tilted his head down, his body hunched slightly as his hands toyed with the short stalks of grass. "I just don't wanna lose you."
????? "You're not," was the curt, if not cold, reply from Steve. Chris heard a very, very meager laugh that appeared quite rueful and happy at the same time. "If anything... you're gonna gain."
????? "Gain what?" Chris asked, his hand beginning to move over the grass.
????? Steve sighed, leaning his own head down and away from Chris' perphrial vision. "You'll gain... something."
????? The Canadian snorted apathetically. "Whatever."
????? Lifting his head, Steve look at Chris sadly, if not sympathetically. "I know you weren't going to be happy with this," Steve whispered, reaching his hand out to touch Chris' arm. "But I have to do thi--"
????? "Don't." His fingers tore away at the grass, plucking it viciously. Strands of his touseled hair waved in the wind, some against his winkled forehead. "Don't say that." He lifted his eyes, fingers curling and twisting the blades relentlessly. "... Just don't do this, Steve."
????? Sapphire blue eyes darkened, losing its previous glimmer and shine, becoming nothing but dull, unpolished jewels. "I have to. You told me once I had to just go. That's what I'm doing now."
????? Anguish swallowed his soul whole, while his heart fell down into an abyss-- one where his mind would become misplaced forever. He swallowed his bitterness. "You're such a fucking liar," he breathed, his ice blue eyes dancing with the sunlight.
????? Steve helplessly smiled, raising his hand and tracing the sharp, chisled features of his lover's face. "So are you, at times. But look at me, Chris." He trailed his fingertips down the other's cheek, landing them at the edge of his brisled chin. "You know I'm saying the truth. You know this is right."
????? "I can't believe you, Steve." Chris parted his lips as a solemn sigh whisked through. "How can I believe someone who can't even perceive an illusion from the reality?"
????? "Believing and knowing are two very distinct things." Steve's eyes gained an eeriely calm wisdom, making Chris shiver visibly at its powerful glint. "I have to do this. It's the smartest thing to do. It's a choice I have to make, and it's something that will benefit the both of us in the end."
????? He snorted contemptuously. "It's a stupid choice, that's what."
????? "It's my decision." Steve touched the chain with both of his hands. He closed his eyes for a second, breathing in deeply. He felt the wind caressing his cheek, and smiled at the gesture, understanding the hidden meaning behind it. "I know what I'm doing, Chris."
????? For a second, Chris knows what's going to happen. Steve's going to do the one thing he can't do whatsoever: throw the chain away. He bitterly smiled to himelf, twisting his vision away from Steve. He didn't have any power over his decision. He was only a voice of reason, a conscience. If Steve didn't want to listen to him, then fine. Chris gave up trying.
????? Chris knew what would happen. Steve would take off the chain, and throw it to the ground. Eventually, Steve would break down crying, and run back to the golden holy item; he would praise and kiss and love it more than he ever did with Chris. Chris knew the bitter truth. It wasn't speculation; it was a fact that Steve can't live without his change.
????? He mentally sighed, waiting for the moment to pass and for time to move forward. Just get this over wi--
????? His neck felt heavier all of a sudden.
????? Scrunching up his nose, Chris wondered what fell over his neck. Was it a stick or something? Raising his hand, he touched the back of his neck...
????? ... only to find a smooth metal clasp.
????? His eyes snapped open, and he looked down to his chest.
????? Laying comfortably around his neck was the object that represented his hate, loathe, depression, and rage. The one item that was given so much attention and love... and worshiped like it was a fucking God.
????? He hoped it was a dream. There was no way this was real. There's no way Steve would do this. This had to be a dream... Steve still had his change. Yes. He still had it. The one around his neck wasn't real. It was a fake, a copy. Maybe Steve bought him one so they could be closer, like Brian and he were in the past.
????? That had to be the reason. Steve loves him, so he wanted to be like his former lover and give him a gift similar to his own. It makes perfect sense. Steve was tying the past with the present. He was finally coming to terms. That was it. That had to be it. There wasn't another way to answer it.
????? Chris lifted his fingers and touched the gold chain, the cold steel galvanizing him completely.
????? He had hoped it wasn't real... only to find it as real as the clasp over his skin.
????? Chris ice blue eyes lifted, staring at Steve; his lips moved up and down, no sound coming through, not even the resonance of breathing. A million thoughts raced through his mind, but not a single word moved through his lips.
????? Steve smiled, reaching forward and caressing his cheek, wiping away something lightly with his feather-like touch. Instinctively, Chris rose his hand over Steve's, clutching it loving.
????? The tips of his fingers suddenly became wet.
????? His eyes widened even more.
????? The tears fell harder.
????? "No." He choked hard, starting losing his balance as he tried to compose himself. "No."
????? Steve leaned closer, kissing and nipping away at his tears. "It's okay--"
????? "Steve, NO--"
????? "Shh," he whispered, an eerily calm smile appearing on his oddly peaceful features. "It's okay."
????? "Steve--"
????? He flashed Chris a warm, authentic smile -- a smile laced with love and conviction. "He'll be watching over you now."
????? Chris' heart cracked.
????? "NO."
????? Steve's eyes softened. "Chris--"
????? "NO. This is WRONG." His hands shook, his body shivered, his head moved negatively, his eyes danced and his insides twisted and turned, churning away until he felt he had to vomit. "This CAN'T BE HAPPENING."
????? Steve's fingers lightly brushed over the hair of his arms; an inexplainable gleam twinkled in his eyes. "Chris, listen--"
????? "STEVE. This can't--"
????? "I have to go now, Chris."
????? "NO!" he screamed, latching onto Steve's sensitive neck, sobbing into his shirt and bellowing loudly. He shouted and yelled Steve's name over and over again, shaking his head on his shoulder, whimpering and pleading with him. "Don't go... please... don't... dear God, don't leave me..."
????? Steve's warm hand pressed against his back. "Chris--"
????? "I don't want this," he choked out, ignoring the fact that he sounded like a blubbering baby, complaining that he didn't get the toys he wanted for Christmas. "I can't have this. And... and I won't let you do this!"
????? "Chris--"
????? "No, Steve!" Chris snapped back, shaking his head like a child. He didn't care if he was about to throw a temper tantrum. He didn't want this. He didn't want Steve to go. "You're staying right here with me, dammit!"
????? "I have to go--"
????? "Nononono!" Chris shouted, his hands falling down from Steve's unfamiliar bare neck to clutch his now tear-stained shirt harshly. "You can't do this, Steve..." His head lolled back and forth on Steve's strikingly warm chest. "You can't do this..."
????? Chris heard Steve's small sigh. It wasn't sad, tired, annoyed, condescending or sympathetic. It was... understanding.
????? Soft lips pressed against the scalp of his head, a familiar nose nuzzling his hair. "I love you," Steve murmured, breathing in Chris' scent lovingly.
????? Releasing his tight grip on Steve's shirt, Chris pressed the palm of his hands into his chest. "If you love me... t-then don't do this." Lifting his head, he gazed at Steve, his empty eyes unable to reflect the sunlight, unlike before. "It's just... you mean too much to me."
????? He smiled brighter somehow, as if he expected his reaction. "I know I do." He moved his hand up and down on Chris' back, consoling him in an ironic way that almost made Chris laugh. "That's why I have to do this."
????? "Nonononononono..." He frantically whispered, clutching onto Steve's face with both of his hands, pushing their faces together until they could feel each other's breathing on their lips. "You. You can't. You won't survive. You can't make it. Without..." He touched the chain on his chest, hissing as if it burned his hand. "Without this? You'll die. You'll shatter. You..."
????? His eyes blurred over again as a sob forcefully burned through his throat and his breathing. "You'll never be the same."
????? Chris and Steve stared at each other for a long time in silence, blue eyes bouncing off of each other. The sunlight warmed their cold bodies, while the shimmering gleam from the lake tried to distract their visions.
????? Out of nowhere, Steve kissed Chris without any preamble. He wound his hands into Chris' hair, deepening the kiss-- despite Chris' sobbing. Pulling back for air, Steve held Chris in his arms, rocking him back and forth; he shushed him loving as he whispered against his ear, nibbling the skin lovingly.
????? "I will come back." Steve closed his eyes as tears fall down his own cheeks, thankful that Chris didn't see him. "I promise that to you."
????? Chris' shaky arms snaked around his back. "Y-You can't keep it."
????? "You don't understand, Chris..." He held his breath, his shut eyes tightening. "I have to."
????? "But why, Steve?" he asked, pushing Steve back to look into his blue eyes. "Why are you doing this to yourself? To me?"
????? Opening his eyes, Steve almost broke down when he saw the wet cheeks Chris sported; he never wanted to hurt Chris... never wanted to make him cry. All he wanted to do was move on from the past... moving on would help both him and Chris.
????? Inside his heart, he began to second guess himself. Maybe this really wasn't a good idea. Everything failed. Chris was crying, he was crying... maybe he wasn't strong enough to do this. Maybe he couldn't do it at all.
????? Steve's eyes rested upon the gold chain around Chris' neck. His vision slowly darted upwards to Chris' face, the gleam of his wet cheeks shimmering in the growing sunlight. Involuntarily, Steve began to wipe away the wetness with his fingers; he smiled when Chris kissed his palm lovingly.
????? Sighing lightly, Steve moved his hand away, holding onto Chris' head with both hands and pushing their foreheads together. "I need to because..." He trailed off, closing his pensive eyes. "I know the truth."
????? "The... truth?"
????? "Yeah," Steve whispered, trying to hold his composure. "I... I've never been by myself. I've always had someone there, physically..." He smiled delicately. "As well as spiritually." He sighed again, opening his eyes and staring into Chris' own, concentrating ardently on his lover's reaction reaction. "Call this... my personal, final catharsis."
????? Ice blue eyes wavered and quivered. "I don't understand..."
????? "I have to do this, Chris," Steve murmured, kissing the tip of Chris' nose as he pulled back. "Just know that."
????? "But WHY?" he almost yelled, holding Steve's shoulders tightly in his grip. "I need to know WHY."
????? Steve smiled, leaning into Chris and kissing his lips one more time. It was a simple gesture at first, one reminiscent of their first kiss ever -- a simple pressure, lips to lips, skin to skin. Soon Steve demanded entrance, his tongue dancing over Chris' lips, enticing him to open. Once he did, Steve parted him open, dipping his tongue inside and finding Chris'.
????? Together they moved as one, as they always did. They tasted each other, etching each other's scent, touch, smile, eyes, laugh, taste deep into their memories... remembering absolutely everything about the other. Chris lifted Steve's chin up with one hand, deepening their passionate kiss even more. Their mouths continued moving together as one, gone astray in a dance of sorrow and passion.
????? Tears pricked against both of their eyes, but neither released them. They continued to kiss until their lungs protested rabidly for air; both reluctantly released each other at the same time, their love for each other pulsing through their very veins.
????? Steve closed his eyes and felt his lips hover over Chris' still. He knew he had to speak the truth. He had to tell the reason why he flew to Atlanta... the reason why he called him... the reason why they were sitting near a beautiful lake, saying goodbye.
????? He whispered against those lips the undeniable truth -- a truth he could never admit to himself, until now.
????? "Because I love you more than I did him."
????? Neither said a word to each other after that. Steve clamored to his feet with some difficulty. He headed over to a part of the grass and picked up the black item Chris saw earlier. Steve lugged the bag over his shoulder, never once looking back. Chris watched with a blurred vision Steve walking away through the grass.
????? He didn't say goodbye. He didn't say he loved him. He didn't even blow him a kiss. Chris smiled as the loving figure of his morning star started to fade. He still watched Steve walk away until he couldn't see the outline of his body anymore.
????? Tilting his head back, Chris gazed at the blue sky. He noticed how Steve's eyes strikingly resembled the blanket of blue above him; he remember how Steve's eyes cascaded over the beauty of any sky, whether it was in the spring, summer, fall or winter.
????? His hand lifted to his neck, touching the gold metal chain around his neck. It wasn't cold like before; instead, it was surprisingly warm... comforting even.
????? He did not saying a word. He merely smiled, The light breeze moved through his hair, caressing his skin; now he, too, understood the meaning of that gesture. He smile grew.
????? Chris Benoit stayed like that until he found the will to move.
I will write you a letter from time to time,
As I'm ramblin' you can travel with me too.
With my head, my heart and my hands, my love,
I will send what I learn back home to you.
So it's fare thee well my own true love,
We'll meet another day, another time.
It ain't the leavin'
That's a-grievin' me
But my true love who's bound to stay behind.
I will tell you of the laughter and of troubles,
Be them somebody else's or my own.
With my hands in my pockets and my coat collar high,
I will travel unnoticed and unknown.
So it's fare thee well my own true love,
We'll meet another day, another time.
It ain't the leavin'
That's a-grievin' me
But my true love who's bound to stay behind.
I've heard tell of a town where I might as well be bound,
It's down around the old Mexican plains.
They say that the people are all friendly there
And all they ask of you is your name.
So it's fare thee well my own true love,
We'll meet another day, another time.
It ain't the leavin'
That's a-grievin' me
But my true love who's bound to stay behind.
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