The Times Series

"I'M STARVING!"
"That'll get us some attention, Paul...Christ, everyone's staring!"
"Nah, they're looking at Mike's shorts."
"I told you, they're supposed to be irregular."
"Yeah, but why buy a pair with a big hole in the the ass?"
"They were fifty percent off."
"Well, you'll always be a hit on skid row. Paul, get off your ass and go to the counter!"
"Easy for you, you're not tall enough to brain yourself on the beams. Get YOUR ass up, lover man."
"Fine; what does everyone want? And NO arguing about toppings. That means no anchovies, Scott."
"I need some kind of oil, my complexion's going, Chico."
"Looks fine from here, baby."
"Guys..do you have to make out in public? It looks like you're going to pork each other right at the table!"
"Pork? I haven't heard that since National Lampoon's European Vacation.."
"No anchovies; four large with everything on it?"
"Yeah, and light on the grease."
"You and grease; a little grease won't clog the veins!"
"It's not the clogging, it's the color; orange.."
"Orange?! Orange isn't going to kill you, Sean."
"It looks unnatural...who wants to eat something orange?"
"Billy Bob Thornton, I heard."
"Yeah, but he's screwing that basket case Angelina Jolie."
"Don't you make fun of Angelina!"
"We all know your feelings on Angelina, Amy."
"Oh, like you don't think she's hot?"
"Um..no..I'm..what's it called..gay?"
"She is, she's a hottie. But being afraid to eat orange things is like being scared of 'That scary guy on the oatmeal box,' and not eating oatmeal."
"Oooh! Rugrats! That reminds me, did I show you guys my new tatoo?"
"Lemme guess, is it....on your ass?"
"You're too good for me."
"What's it of?"
"Tommy from Rugrats; it was Amy's idea."
"I don't want to have to imagine that one.."
"Well, you're the one who's interested in butts, maybe you..."
"Sooo..when's the wedding, Seanie?"
"Next week; we transferred everything to Vermont a month ago, remember?"
"And I guess Shawn's best man?"
"Nah, it's you; you've brought me pizzas! I love you!"
"Hey, what about me? Who's been plugging you since you were...were...Does that jukebox have 'Rock You Like a Hurricane'?"
"Just like me..losing my man to a song...Billy, what possessed you to have them put feta cheese on this?"
"Feta's good for your iron levels."
"You really, really need a new dietitian, Bill."
"Jesse took him in the breakup."
"Jesse took everything but your good boots in the breakup."
"That's because he couldn't squeeze his feet into them..you know the man took my hibiscus bush? Literally had it ripped out of the ground?"
"Damn, he's vindictive."
"Yeah, but he's also in love."
"So are you going to invite he and Kevin?"
"Ugh...I just don't know..."
"Go ahead. It won't hurt us."
"Yeah, it'll be fun to get the band back together, we can have a catfight."
"If I get to rip out his hair, I'm happy."

*Long pause, during which pizza is happily scarfed down and Scott Hall dances to the tune of 'Rock You like a Hurricane'*

"So, what did everyone get for Valentine's Day?"
"Two roses and a hickey."
"I think I got an STD."
"You're not funny, Michael."
"Scott thinks I am, right?"
"Scott thinks you look cute with your legs over your head."
"That's what they all say."
"Not me!"
"I hope I get invited to the wedding."
"You will be if you don't put it in one of your commentaries."
"But I have to! I need the heat."
"You have enough heat."
"My hits don't tell me that."
"Maybe you'd like me to hit you?"
"No..I meant http..Ohhh. No."
"Anyway, Amy, on the hotness of Angelina Jolie; two words: Keannu Reeves."
"Keanu is NOT hot."
"Really? I think of him as the male Angelina Jolie..."
"You're crazy."
"So we are, Ames. So we are."



Go On