Two Worlds, One Bed

"...You're certain this is the cheapest room in all of Florida?"

"There's a squirrel floatin' in the pool. I'd judge we're right about at the bottom of the barrel."

"Yes, there's probably a squirrel presiding over your family tree. Hand me my moccasins, man."

"Why the hell do I have to roll over? My knee's still throbbin' something fierce."

"Okay, Daisy Mae, I'll get them myself."

"....Boy, you oughta know that no one calls me Daisy Mae. That is, if they don't wanna meet the steel toe of these Tony Llamas."

"Whatever you and Jesse did in the bedroom was your business. But I will call you Daisy Mae and you'll like it."

"We're gonna make a compromise on that one."

"I don't think so."

"Why doncha call me 'Shmoo' or somethin'."

"....What kind of shitty reruns are these? Where's 'Sienfeld'?"

"This is Tennasee. It's two AM, and you're gonna have to settle for Mamma's Family reruns."

"Fuck that...this is the one where Bubba's accused of stealing from Iola."

"You've watched?"

"Only for research...uh, they did a wrestling episode..."

"It's dang cute, how high your voice goes when you get scared you're gonna be found out."

"...Now I really am going to bed. I'm going to need some covers...quit hogging them...Christ, your hands are cold!"

"The whole damn room's cold!"

"I'm calling down to the front desk, this is ridiculous!"

"Don't. Those slapnuts don't know how to work a register. Just put your arms..."

"...you want to spoon?!"

"We need to!"

"Fag!"

"Fag? You're callin' ME a fag? Which one of us writes poetry, wears eyeliner and has a pierced Johnson?"

"Jeff, before I leave this bed, you're going to remember one thing; it isn't a Johnson. It's a cock."

"Now who's the fag?"

"Wearing eyeliner don't make me a fag, buddy. Your dick in my ass does."

"You ain't gonna tell me that I forced you to. I ain't gonna say again which one of us went into this relationship agreein' to bottom."

"Only because you wouldn't cram it about how 'weird' it felt..."

"It did feel weird!"

"Not one man in this world laughs while they're getting fucked up the ass. You are an anomaly."

"I ain't never been cornholed before that! How was I gonna know what it felt like?"

"It disturbed my shit, okay? There's no bigger turn-off than a guy lying there laughing his ass off, no pun intended, while you're halfway to his nose."

"Me an' Jesse used to laugh in bed together all the time."

"That's because you were both high. Now go to sleep...you're still spooning me!"

"You got all the body fat in this relationship, boy."

"Right."

"Right. So shut up and roll over."

"As you wish."


The End