// Life it seems will fade away
Drifting further everyday
Getting lost within myself
Nothing matters, no one else //


?????? ... how long as it been now? I don't even use a calendar anymore. Then again, when have I? I remember how you use to remember me constantly about things.

?????? Don't forget to pick up the trash. The bill have to be paid. The plane leaves in six minutes, better grab your bags. Don't forget that little package in the glove compartment. Come get the groceries with me. Clean the dishes after dinner, my hands hurt. Watch this movie with me, it's fantastic.

?????? I still remember all of it. Even the simpliest things, like the time you told me not to dye my hair, but I did anyways, and it came out such a horrible color you ratted on me about it for days.

?????? I don't remember anything else besides that. Like the date, or what time it is during the day, or even where I am at times.

?????? Or even who I am.

?????? Doesn't matter.


// I have lost the will to live
Simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free //


?????? Sometimes I'm wondering where you are. I even call out your name during the night, feeling on your side of the bed for you. And all I get is empty air, the numbing touch of the cold twilight dancing upon my fingertips rather than you.

?????? I loved you. I loved your skin, silky soft, pure like an addictive liquid, drinking it like nectar of the gods. I loved you so much. Your hair, how it flowed and cascaded down your face like a glittering, pristine waterfall, and your body, the curves set for royal mountains or beautiful, intricate gardens.

?????? And your eyes. God, your eyes. I lost myself in you. How... how I just loved them. How I wanted to touch them, give them a name special from the others in the world. They weren't even hazel. They were some sort of color that wasn't apart of this world. They were...

?????? They belong to goddesses. They belong to those exotic myths in fairytales, witchcraft and folklore.

?????? And when you died, you took it all away. All that was you... it died with you. And when you died, you took all of me too.

?????? I don't care though. Don't care for much anymore.


// Things not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost, this can't be real
Can't stand this hell I feel //


?????? How could this happen to you of all people? Why you, why now, why...

?????? I fucking LOVED you. I mean... it just happened so suddenly. One moment, it was a regular night, you in my arms, the world turning around us, the stars shinning through the open window... it was normal.

?????? Nothing was wrong. And it all happened so fast. I didn't know where I was, what was going on, no one answered my questions when we went to the hospital.

?????? I held your hand, I gazed into your hazel eyes, and you kissed me. You told me to be strong, to be strong for us, for them. And I touched you, and I kissed you, and I told you that I would.

?????? I loved you. I loved you I loved you I loved you why did this happen to you why did it happen to you of all the people out of all the evil people in the world why you it just couldn't happen to you maybe this is a dream I don't kn--

?????? I just don't fucking know anymore.

?????? You're gone, and I don't know anything anymore.


// Emptiness is filling me
To the point of agony
Growing darkness, taking dawn
I was me but now he's gone //


?????? I think that's why I'm here now. Why I'm here, and why I left them with Raven somewhere off in a place I don't even remember anymore. Why I think this is the most appropriate place to be. Why I'm holding onto these flowers, and holding onto your grave.

?????? I can feel you beneath his stone, smell your familiar scent, taste your sweetness of skin, hear your sultry voice... I can just see you.

?????? I SEE YOU.

?????? And you're gorgeous. You're so fucking gorgeous, with your beautiful smile, and your angelic aura and your... your...

?????? This is why I'm here, and why I have to go.

?????? This is why.


// No one but me can save myself, but it's too late
Now I can't think, think why I should even try //


?????? I see you, finally, and I can see the light, and it's welcoming, gorgeous, beautiful, like you. Like you always were.

?????? I miss you, I love you, and I can see you. No one will ever believe me, but I fucking SEE you. And it's like Heaven to me. It's like an eternal paradise, and I can see your hand, and I want to take it.

?????? Nothing stops me. Nothing could stop me. Everyone is away. No one can pull me back but myself. I want to be with you so badly... to just be with you, hold you in my arms, and call your name softly as we leave this world for the next.

?????? So as you stand there, smiling like the angel that you are, I smile back.

?????? And I pull the trigger to the gun next to my head.


// Yesterday seems as though it never existed
Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye //


?????? I love you Beulah. I told you that no matter what we would always be together. In life and in death. And you knew that it didn't matter what it took. You knew me well.

?????? That's why I had to die on your grave. So that they others could get the message. So I could stay next to you, maybe be buried with you instead of next to you, have my blood stain your gravestone for the rest of time. A marker of sheer love, uncontrollable love, love that could make and break a person. And it did both to me.

?????? But I have you now. Nothing else matters. Nothing but you.

?????? And I'm not worried about our children, just like I know you aren't.

?????? I'm sure Raven could be a better father to our children than anyone else.






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